


Put On the Red Light

by mccincol



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bittersweet, F/M, Implied Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-01
Updated: 2012-11-01
Packaged: 2017-11-17 13:10:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mccincol/pseuds/mccincol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a bit hard to handle all these ladies and laddies in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Put On the Red Light

**Author's Note:**

> First AO3 fic? Yay! 
> 
> Takes place right before the the alpha kids meet up with the beta kids, in a setting that's just an excuse for a little Dirk-Roxy conversation.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]\--

TT: Roxy, please respond immediately. We’re in a crisis situation right now and it seems as if everyone has chosen this precise moment to shed all responsibility and give in to their animalistic desires.

TG: jegus dirk jake n jane only kissed its nbd

TG: i recall that you nd your playbot ways went round the session smoochin up all kndsa storms

TG: *boy

TT: That’s not the point, Roxy.

TT: They’re sucking face and we’re meeting our descendants in nearly ten minutes.

TT: I’m not entirely sure if Grandad Crocker and Granny English are gonna be happy when the first time they really meet their grandkids they’ve got their tongues stuck down each other’s throats.

TG: thts not how u do it silly dirk

TT: Once again, not the point.

TG: actualy factually i think YOU might be missin the point here

TT: Please, do inform me on this point that you think I have missed.

TT: I do not miss points.

TG: well you sure as hell missed this one

TG: janeys been after some of dat ass since day one

TG: theyre practically destines sole mates in the other universe too i mean it makes the whoel thing seem a little inevitable right

TT: But that’s another universe.

TT: Are you saying that skaia is arranging marriages now?

TT: And that you and I together will be forced to have billions of beautiful, mentally unstable, albino babies?

TG: well hells yes

TT: Huh.

TG: but even if skaia didnt have complete and total control over the love lives of a buncha sixteen yr olds

TG: the situations still a little ocmplicated

TG: im not gonna say anythin bad afgianst jane or you or all of your little clones and the rest of jakes enormous harem

TG: but u gotta understnd, you guys are putting me in a tough sspot right about now

TG: god dammit how i am supposed to handle all these ladies and laddies in love

TG: <3’s in their eyes, all anime and shit

TG: decapitacting themselves and swooning all over skaia

TG: *decaptaining

TG: *capting

TG: *captitting

TG: fuck nvm i dont think i even know how to spell that fuckin word

TG: n e ways, its a lot for an inconnent little girl to handle

TT: You’re constantly drunk, innocent little girl.

TG: stfu up its a thing i do to make myself feel better, you doof face

TG: like how ur anger is a coping mechanism for the fact that sirs jake english is kinda in destiny love with ms jane crocker

TG: totes disappointing, i understand

TT: Kind of.

TG: awww come here and cry on mom ro-lals shoulder, shes open for business

TG: and i wont make a dirty joke about being open for other things because youre stressed right now

TG: see arent i such a perfect friend?

TG: mwah-rail, yeah???

TT: Ignoring your attempts to hit on me sex-wise and friend-wise, I think I can conclude from your incoherent sentences that you’re saying that I’m jealous.

TT: No offense, Roxy, but I’m pretty sure I could have figured that out for myself.

TT: No shit I’m jealous. But that doesn’t change the fact that I still have some semblance of dignity in respect to meeting my bro for the first time in fucking ever.

TG: misplaced anger yalls. s all im saying. your not angry at them for emabrasing us you just dont wnat them to be together i get it

TG: also idk how much dignity ur gonna have when you meet ur bro. seems like ur pre-scratch self was kinda a puppet porno master

TT: You know you like the puppet porn.

TG: thts just cuz i like porn mr. smuttysmuppet face

TT: Want to talk about it? Maybe instead of making out when we meet your mom and my bro, like some others I could mention, we can be drawing each other dicks.

TG: im way ahead of you there. absolutely covered in em right now

TG: dick drawings, that is, not acutall dicks, but wow could you imagine

TG: in fact imma strat drawing dirks now mayb by the time our kids get here we can have a whole world full of em cmon and join me

TT: As great as that offer sounds, maybe later. I just realized I have some stuff I need to sort out first.

TT: The countdown’s at five minutes now. You should try to sober up as much as possible.

TG: pfffffffffft

TG: goodbye you gloomy raincloud

TT: Bye Rox.

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]\--

\--timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]\--

TT: I know you’re still there.

TG: lol yeah. hey ar. howre u holding up with the whole jake and jane development

TT: As well as any fully automated, independent, artificially intelligent mind can when its romantic circuitboard has completely combusted.

TT: So pretty well, yeah. Not everything’s gone to pieces.

TG: oh yeah?

TT: I still have you. We both do, really.

TG: !! <3 <3 <3

TG: luvs u too but i dont know how easy it is to be in a reliationship with a pair of glasses

TG: may b when dirk makes you a body someday *wiggles eyebrows*

TG: he better make you sexy

TT: There are no doubts in my mind that I would be the hottest mama.

TT: But all jokes aside, I honestly just thought I should check in on you since Flesh Dirk seems to be a bit caught up in matters of the heart right now.

TG: ur not gonna tell me to sober up too are you

TT: No. But you should.

TT: I was going to ask how you’re feeling.

TT: You know. Jake, Jane, Dirk-wise.

TG: thts sweet of you to say

TT: Dirk’s been thinking about it but he’s been too busy to do anything about it. He feels really bad.

TT: I can practically feel the guilt radiating out of his eyes right now.

TT: So I’m just passing on a sentiment.

TG: well you can tell him that

TG: i am doing fine as always

TG: and that i am here if he needs anything

TG: i am here if anyone needs anything

TG: and thats that

TT: That’s all you want me to tell him?

TG: thts bout it yeah

TT: Well then okay.

TT: Talk to you later, Roxy.

TG: BYE A-R! <3

\--timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]\--

TG: wait

TG: i mean i guess i’m not totally okay

TG: btu its fine

TG: gdamn ur not even listenin nayway

TG: mom bettr bring sum fuckin good hard stuff when she appears cause i think im starting to understand things a little more than i want to

TG: ignore this when you read it im just venting i guess

TG: bye.

\--tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]\--


End file.
